Machete Kills (2013) [Blu-ray]
Action | Crime | Thriller

Tagline: Trained to kill. Left for dead. Back for more.

Danny Trejo returns as legendary ex-Federale Machete Cortez in this action-packed thrill ride from innovative director Robert Rodriguez. In his latest mission, Machete is recruited by the U.S. President (Carlos Estevez) to stop a crazed global terrorist (Mel Gibson) from starting a nuclear war. With a bounty on his head, Machete breaks all the rules as he faces death at every turn from a star-studded cast of deadly assassins. Featuring Michelle Rodriguez, Sofia Vergara, Amber Heard, Antonio Banderas, Cuba Gooding, Jr. and Demian Bichir, Machete Kills is""Absurdly entertaining. Defies expectations!" (Harry Knowles, Ain't It Cool News). It's one of the wildest save-the-world adventures ever captured on film!

Storyline: During an operation of a Mexican Cartel, Machete Cortez and Sartana Rivera intercept the criminals alone, but another group arrives and a masked man kills Sartana. Machete is arrested, accused of killing his beloved Sartana and Sheriff Doakes hangs Machete. But the President of the USA Rathcock pardons and recruits Machete to kill the revolutionary Marcos Mendez that has threatened the USA with a missile with a bomb. Machete goes to San Antonio to meet the Miss San Antonio Blanca Vasquez that will be the liaison between Machete and President Rathcock. Then Machete goes to the brothel of Madame Desdemona to seek out the prostitute Cereza that is Mendez's mistress. Machete meets Mendez and learns that his heart is connected to the missile and only the arm dealer Luther Voz is capable to disarm the bomb. Now Machete needs to bring Mendez to the USA in less than twenty-four hours and save his new country in a dangerous journey with betrayals. Written by Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Reviewer's Note: Reviewed by Kenneth Brown on January 8, 2014 -- I went into director Robert Rodriguez's Machete with the humblest of hopes and the lowest of expectations only to emerge pleasantly surprised -- and enormously entertained -- by the film's gory grindhouse gags, sharp sense of humor and Danny Trejo's gnarled block of nigh unstoppable Latino vengeance. Unfortunately, Machete Kills is a different beastie. The original film, born from a faux-trailer attached to Rodriguez and Tarantino's Grindhouse (and before that a promise to Trejo on the set of Desperado), is cheap-thrill-a-minute Mexploitation at its finest. Machete's first sequel, though, is clumsier, duller and less polished than its deceptively unpolished predecessor. Rodriguez and company are still clearly having the time of their lives, Trejo especially, but something's off. With less to prove and little to lose, the series' low-rent edge and grimy, gristly essence have been distilled into a bloody live-action cartoon; an R-rated Spy Kids that lacks guts, sleazy spectacle and a proper endgame.

Reeling from the death of his partner at the hands of masked killers, a grieving Machete Cortez (Trejo) narrowly escapes the noose of a crooked border sheriff (William Sadler) at the behest of U.S. President Rathcock (Charlie Sheen as Carlos Estévez). The people's POTUS tasks Machete with infiltrating a secure compound in Mexico and assassinating Marcos Mendez (Demián Bichir), a schizophrenic revolutionary threatening to launch a nuclear missile at Washington D.C. Machete, however, finds more than he bargained for in Mexico. Mendez is wired with a surgical implant that will fire the missile upon his death -- or within 24 hours, whichever comes first -- leaving Machete with little choice but to keep the madman alive long enough to seek the help of the weapon's creator: corrupt billionaire, merciless precog and sadistic Star Wars fanboy Luther Voz (Mel Gibson).

Mendez and Voz aren't Machete's only troubles. The blade-wielding hero also attracts the attention of a vindictive Mexican madame (Sofía Vergara) and her gunslinging cadre of prostitutes (captained by Alexa Vega's KillJoy), a lanky, seemingly unkillable martial artist (Marko Zaror) and a deadly, mysterious face-swapping hitman known only as El Chameleón (initially Walton Goggins, followed by three additional guest stars). Familiar franchise faces (among them Michelle Rodriguez, Tom Savini, Jessica Alba, and Electra and Elise Avellan) and new allies-n-enemies (Cuba Gooding Jr., Amber Heard, Antonio Banderas, Lady Gaga and Vanessa Hudgens) soon join the fray as hastily legalized U.S. citizen Machete races to save Washington and eventually the world.

Trejo commands the screen and does most of the heavy lifting -- rightfully so -- but it's Sheen, Bichir and Banderas that reap the rewards of Rodriguez's Big Delirious Fun. The rest of the cast is either underutilized or overindulged. In the underutilized corner is Michelle Rodriguez, who's given next to nothing to do other than the requisite girl fight; Vega, desperate to prove she's all grown up with nothing but skin and thongs to bolster her claim; Savini, simply wasted; Alba, escorted off screen after the briefest of scenes; and, surprisingly, Gibson, whose juicy role as villain is a mishmash of ideas the veteran actor seems all too content to take on with loopy, mid-sleepwalk indifference. In the overindulged corner is a shouty, mad-eyed, clamped jawed Vergara, whose grating performance is only worsened by her constant, migraine-inducing snarls and screeches; Lady Gaga, a miscast (or perhaps just impulsively cast) distraction if there ever was one; and Heard, playing a tough-talking bad girl beauty queen.

The actors are the least of the film's problems, though. Kyle Ward's screenplay is all over the place and Rodriguez tends to shoot from the hip (and on occasion borrow rather liberally from past movies, most obviously Sin City). The sequel's already thin geopolitical satire is rehashed from the original and many a joke lands with a thud (the Star Wars bits would have been tired twenty years ago). The third act is essentially an extended prelude to Machete Kills Again rather than delivering a satisfying close, and the frustrating gotcha ending bleeds out and dies long before the credits roll. Oh, there are a few solid laughs to be had. Cringes and groans to be stumbled upon. Even a coupla wildly over-the-top dismemberments, deaths and killshots that won't soon be forgotten. But it's difficult to tell if Rodriguez is trying too hard or isn't trying hard enough. Either way, I keep coming back to the words "something's off." Too shiny, too corny, too tame, too predictable, too cartoonish, too cameo-driven, too uneven, too anticlimactic, too much huffing and puffing and not enough blowing the house down.

As sequels go, you could do worse. Trejo continues to solidify his place among the best B-movie A-listers, and he and the rest of his castmates are clearly having the time of their lives. Things veer from grindhouse to camp at record speed, though, and Rodriguez loses his grip on the story, FX and, really, the entire third act. (Which turns out to be little more than a distended threequel-setup gag.) But Universal's Blu-ray release? A more effecient killer. Yeah, more extras would have been much appreciated -- a commentary, a feature-length production documentary, real deleted scenes -- but the film's AV presentation doesn't disappoint. Ultimately, Machete Kills may be even more divisive than its predecessor, but it's at least worth a rent. I'm sure there are some who will dig it more than I did... and of course some who'll think I've been too kind.

[CSW] -2.7- As one reviewer, that I agree with completely, said "This movie completely oozes cheese! That being said, that was the intention. For anyone who knows Rodriguez's films, they would know that he excels in the genre of satires. "Machete Kills" most definitely belongs in this category. Now, satires are really hard to pull off, and to be successful they need to appeal to a broader audience than this one did. There were too many bad effects, low level acting, outrageous gadgets, and unrealistic themes to appeal to anyone who isn't a child, yet there was too much gore and sexual references for anyone who isn't an adult. However, with all this being said, I think this film should at least be given a little more credit than it has been, as it is a satire and is not intended to be taken seriously. It was a lot of fun".
[V4.5-A4.5] MPEG-4 AVC - No D-Box motion codes were available at the time of this rental although they are available now.

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